thelooneys.com

I’ve always assumed that I would be too stupid to survive the Microsoft interviewing process.  In case you don’t already know, Microsoft is renowned for asking clever little logic questions during their interviews, and I am renowned for being really stupid.  Not a good combo. But then Jensen Harris linked to a list of the ...

It means something to be #1 on Google.  It’s important. Unfortunately, I'm #1 on Google for some crazy things, things I don't WANT to be #1 for.  For example, a while back I tried to avoid any more weird searches coming in by breaking up some questionable phrases, such as “Brooke Burke nud|e”.  Well, now I get all kinds of ...

In this post I would like to address Microsoft OneNote directly.  Hi Microsoft OneNote, my name is Jason.  I'm the one who's always using you.  I keep my meeting notes in you, my blog ideas in you, and those really dark thoughts about the Mr. Clean guy in you.  Hi. I'll cut to the chase.  You need to get off your ass ...

“Outlook has automatically saved a draft of this message.  Do you want to keep it?” The question seems innocent, but it’s not.  You started an e-mail message in Microsoft Outlook, then thought better of it, and now Microsoft Outlook is going to make you pay. If you answer “Yes” to the question Outlook adds an “unread” item to your ...

Six months ago, Mindy Seeheeheean used her personal computer to purchase a blue camping chair.  Today, for the fifth day in a row, Mindy’s bright blue chair is firmly planted outside the sprawling estate of Bill Gates, the man she believes is responsible for the death of her computer.  ''I just want him to talk to me,'' Mindy cried at ...

As a software guy it amazes me that fax machines still exist. Any time I have to use one I feel like I’m traveling back in time to the days of telegraph and teletype. My favorite thing about faxing is the cover sheets. Most have eight to ten fields you have to fill in, by hand, before you’re even allowed to stick your ...

Today the Supreme Court ruled, in a unanimous decision, that the word “grok” is ugly, disgusting, and completely unnecessary.  Citizens who have read or heard the word are urged to slide splayed metal hangers into their earholes, poking their very brains.  Experts warn that anyone using the word in the future will not be ...

If you ask me, “A penny for your thoughts?” you should be ready for a weird thought or two.  More importantly, you should also be ready to give up that penny.   I’ve always taken the penny thing quite literally, for I believe we should be men of our word, if nothing else.  For instance, when one of my ...

I like robots.  I even like the word “robot.”  I like saying “robot” and I like typing “robot.”  In fact, probably the only word I like saying more than “robot” is the word “epileptic.”  (By the way, if you are a company and you are developing an epileptic robot, ...

Thank you, Windows XP, for letting me know that my document was sent to the printer. When I clicked the printer icon in the toolbar, then clicked the ''Print'' button on the ensuing dialog, then saw the little printer icon appear in the system tray, I wasn't sure what you were going to do with my document.  But now I know.  You sent ...

Anybody catch Lost last night?  Me too!  I TiVo’d it.  Oh wait — no I didn’t.  I was busy grinding flour in my stone crucible.  And tending to my oxen herd.  And growing my man-beard. (So begins the campaign: Daddy Needs a DVR 2005)