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Love, Dove, and Dove
14 March 06 02:00 PM | Jason Looney | 3 Comments   
Dove is good at making soap. Dove is good at making chocolate. But, for some reason, Dove doesn’t make chocolate soap. This seems like an oversight. I say, these two companies need to get together and have a chat. I believe that not only is chocolate Read More...
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British Phil Is Never Amused
03 February 06 10:00 PM | Jason Looney | 1 Comments   
British Phil and I work together and share disdain for all but the best television commercials. Last week I went to his cubicle and asked, “You know which commercial I like even though they’ve shown it a million times?” And British Phil said, “The Nextel Read More...
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Testimonial: Baby Einstein Videos
19 January 06 10:00 PM | Jason Looney | 1 Comments   
See the spikey-haired boy ostensibly resembling a young Albert Einstein? My son thinks that boy's name is Julie Clark. Sure, I could tell him that the little boy with the crazy hair isn't named Julie Clark and that Julie Clark is the pretty lady who founded Read More...
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All MY Missouri Friends Save at Banks
26 December 05 02:00 PM | Jason Looney | 1 Comments   
The good people of Springfield, Missouri are routinely subjected to bad and cruel things. Grey winters, exposed power lines, and newscasters so awful you can't even laugh at them, just to name a few. But this year a thing so horrifying has been foisted Read More...
I Gave At The Office
14 December 05 11:15 PM | Jason Looney | 2 Comments   
Now, I'm all for giving blood. Especially in sanctioned and socially-acceptable ways, for instance, the office blood drive. I especially love getting to make the same jokes every year. phil_etchell: i'd be happy to donate, they're just a little particular Read More...
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Car Owners
10 October 05 07:30 AM | Jason Looney | 4 Comments   
I should tell you first that I am not a car guy. I drive my car a lot, but many of its details remain a mystery to me; details like the displacement of its engine and the location of its wiper fluid. While I understand most of the pedals and knobs at Read More...
Fitty
12 August 05 08:00 AM | Jason Looney | 1 Comments   
Last weekend I unleashed my golf skills on an unwitting golf course named Ute Creek. (Side note: Despite having lived in a subdivision named “Spring Valley at Ute Creek” for three years now, I have no idea how to pronounce this odd little Read More...
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First Ingredient
18 July 05 11:30 AM | Jason Looney | 0 Comments   
Since Sarah is devoted to keeping our family free from foods with plastics in them, if anything tasty is to be bought for our pantry, I have to make my own trip to the grocery store. This is why, the other night, I found myself at King Soopers picking Read More...
One Sly Move Away From Jumping
12 July 05 07:00 AM | Jason Looney | 4 Comments   
Instead of criticizing it, I’m simply going to point out a few things about the magazine sitting to my right. The magazine is titled SLY and has Sylvester Stallone on the cover. Coincidence? Nope. SLY is the nicknamely-eponymous magazine created Read More...
Making Us Think Differently
07 July 05 07:15 AM | Jason Looney | 2 Comments   
A teenager was murdered in Brooklyn a few days ago. A dozen or so bandits attacked the boy and his friends, stole many things — including tennis shoes and an iPod — and stabbed the kid to death. I know about this story because… well… Read More...
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Lemon Has Been Ruined For Us
30 June 05 12:00 AM | Jason Looney | 0 Comments   
Lemon has been ruined for us. The floor cleaner people and the furniture polish people can’t settle for lemon scent anymore — they are using real lemon juice . So now you cannot eat anything lemon without it reminding you of cleaner and/or Read More...
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Venti, Viddi, Vicci
13 June 05 12:00 PM | Jason Looney | 0 Comments   
I’m still holding out. I’m holding my ground. I refuse to use the goofy names for cup sizes at Starbucks. Tall = small? Whatever. Let’s be honest: It’s not a “grande mocha.” It’s a “medium enema.” Read More...
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What Is The X-Factor?
31 May 05 11:00 AM | Jason Looney | 0 Comments   
I’ve given up trying to keep track of Gatorade’s flavors. When Sarah goes to the grocery store I just specify a color, such as “reddish.” This week’s reddish is part of Gatorade’s “X-Factor” line of flavors. Read More...
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Amway Steak Money
05 April 05 08:45 PM | Jason Looney | 3 Comments   
As it turns out, there is something far worse than running into a wrinkled butt at the gym: running into Slimy Amway Guy. For those of you who have managed to avoid Amway Guy, here’s how the Amway pitch typically goes down. (Note: I've been pitched Amway Read More...
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Who Moved My Fruit?
08 March 05 06:00 AM | Jason Looney | 0 Comments   
As I sit here eating Dannon's "Fruit on the Bottom" yogurt, I wonder. I wonder if Dannon originally wanted the fruit/yogurt combination to be more colloidal, and if their food engineers spent months trying to keep the fruit perfectly distributed within Read More...
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The Center of All Things Super
01 March 05 05:15 AM | Jason Looney | 1 Comments   
I've been getting a lot of e-mail about the new Wal-Mart Supercenter going up near my house. I figured I would save myself some time and answer all of the questions publicly, FAQ-style. What is FAQ? It's an acronym for Frequently Asked Questions . How Read More...
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