Sleep Lab

Published 14 January 06 09:45 AM | Jason Looney 

I'm not sure what to think of the words "Sleep Lab." 

I have trouble sleeping from time to time, but my insomnia is usually caused by anxiousness and/or the lack of a nearby refrigerator.  In other words, for me personally, knowing there were sensors and humans watching me try to fall asleep would be enough to keep me awake for all of eternity.  They could leave me in there for years. I couldn't even die, since that would resemble sleep. I would just dissolve and float away, into the very air ducts of the "Sleep Lab" itself.  (From there I would occasionally whisper, "They're watching…" to the suckers coming after me.)

Anyone who can fall asleep in something called "Sleep Lab" obviously has a different brand of insomnia than I.  They must be cool, laid-back people who have an open-door policy when it comes to their private time.  They probably ask questions like:

"Hey, did your sensor hear that fart?  Cuz that one was a ninja!"
 
"Will the same person be monitoring both my morning and evening woods?"
 
"Did I say any names during my sleep?  They were all girl names, right?  Cool."

Not me, kemo sabe.  I sleep for no man.

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