All MY Missouri Friends Save at Banks
The good people of Springfield, Missouri are routinely subjected to
bad and cruel things. Grey winters, exposed power lines, and
newscasters so awful you can't even laugh at them, just to name a
few. But this year a thing so horrifying has been foisted upon
this town that all past grievances pale in comparison.
Imagine, if you will, the gravelly voice of man who might announce a
monster truck rally. Only this voice is singing, and it's singing
these words:
All my Missouri friends save at Reliable Che-VEE!
Based on what I've seen in the past few days, the average
Springfieldian endures this jingle between three and forty seven times
a day (depending on how many Law and Orders are shown).
Each time it's played the jingle eats a piece of the listener's
brain. Are non-Missourians allowed at Reliable Chevrolet?
No one can say. Does "saving" at Reliable Chevrolet involve
spending thousands of dollars on a vehicle, taxes, licensing, and
finance charges? I sure hope not. Have Springfieldians
grown so worldly and cosmopolitan that they now reference groups of
friends with geographic qualifiers? Exciting! And why is
the guy singing "Che-VEE" when the words on the screen say "Chevrolet"?
Even the name of the dealership is perplexing. I mean,
Reliable Chevrolet? Isn't that an oxymoron? Do these people
own other dealerships with names like this? As in,
Youngblood Buick
Good Choice Pontiac
Investment Kia
Plenty-o-Penis Hummer
Plenty-o-Research Ford
Forever Yugo
Lady Dodge
Working Jaguar
Never Settle Saturn
I
should also point out that I have friends in Kansas City and St. Louis
who have never even heard of Reliable Chevrolet. Or even,
Reliable Che-VEE.