On Love and Hate
Sometimes I love being me. But most of the time, I hate it. Never am I anywhere between these extremes.
I sleep a third of each day away, and it's in this happy, happy time that I'm fairly fond of myself. In my dreams I lose complete track of reality. This is why I wake up expecting to see Brad Pitt in the mirror, but instead find Gollum, from Lord of the Rings, if only Gollum, from Lord of the Rings, weighed a buck eighty and glowed bright white.
My waking hours are filled with self-loathing. If Larry David has taught me anything, this means I must be part Jewish. Although... aren't Jewish people supposed to be good with money? I must only have a little bit of Jew in me then — probably in that toenail on my left foot. You know, the one who always refers to himself as Ishmael. (Hi Ishmael!)
Yep. I just gave a shout-out to my Jewish toenail.
Thank you for stopping by today.