Using Your Coffee Hole For Good

For whatever reason the Starbucks near our office has boxes of espresso beans stacked down their back hallway.  Yesterday I found that they’re also keeping a stack of boxes in the men's restroom. 

So if you happen to be sitting in the Louisville, Colorado Starbucks, and you find your latte tastes a little like my ass, now you know why.

But don't let this concern you too much.  There are bigger issues we should be talking about today.  For instance, how has Starbucks been so successful selling watery and burnt coffee?  And, more importantly, why do we tolerate those feckless plastic lids? 

Let's get a lawyer and fix this lid thing at Starbucks, people.  Now. 

We have certain unalienable rights in this country, chief among them being the right to file class-action lawsuits against companies with lids that don't fit snugly on their cups. 

How many times have you had coffee leak out the top of your Starbucks cup, scalding and staining everything in its path?  And how many times has that pin-sized air hole caused a Post Sip Rush Out or worse, the dreaded Gentle Squeeze Coffee Explosion?  You've probably been blaming yourself for these misfortunes, haven't you?

How many good shirts have to die before we stand up and say, "No more"?  How many cup holders must be maimed by the brown goo?  How many trees must pay the ultimate price for napkin-related reasons?

Hear me now: In times like these people must band together.  We need to start a worldwide conversation.  We need to share our experiences and develop a common voice.  Then we need to sue, sue, sue those evil bastards back to Seattle.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to make another batch of ass beans.

References:
 [1] http://www.desudesu.com/hello/shodown/listenup.mp3