Five Burning Questions

Published 05 December 05 11:00 AM | Jason Looney 

Five questions that smell like burning:

  • Should I put this Snickers bar in the freezer?  I mean, I work with fairly honest people and all, but isn't an unattended and frozen Snickers bar pushing the boundary of what temptations we can reasonably expect humans to resist?  It's like allowing your husband to jet off to South America to make movies with Angelina Jolie.  I just don't see it ending well.
     
  • Are there door-to-door atheists?  Do they hand out blank pieces of paper?  As in, "Here's everything we believe in.  We hope you will look it over and not pray about it."
     
  • I've decided to start working on my idea for a novel about caged birds. I think I'm going to title it I Know Why The Raped Girl Writes Poems.  What do you think?
     
  • How exactly did the "gay gene" escape eons of evolution?  Doesn't it seem like the odds of survival for that particular gene would be pretty slim?  Same with the "ugly chick gene."  I don't get it.
     
  • So I watched the NFL on CBS (America's Most Watched Network!) yesterday, and here's what they were endlessly and breathlessly promoting:
    • Ed Bradley's interview with Howard Stern, which the network promised would contain some sort of shocking revelation
    • A made-for-TV movie about the late Pope John Paul II, starring none other than Jon Voight
    • A Victoria's Secret "fashion show"
    • Dead and mutilated bodies every night of the week 

So my question is this: WTF AMERICA?

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Comments

# Alan Dotson said on December 5, 2005 12:47 PM:
Umm, why is CBS the most watched network again? I'd rather watch the Maya Angelou Rainbow Network, now in athiest-vision!!
# Dickie B said on December 10, 2005 6:30 PM:
Am I the only one who is hoping (praying might be more apt except that I am a door-to-door athiest) that there is a Linda Blair rivaling, Anaconda-esque vomit scene in this made-for-TV Tubie? Maybe when JP goes to Turkey to absolve his attempted assassin, Mehmet Ali Agca, and instead dissolves him... in stomach acid after swallowing him whole. That's "Must See TV".
# TrackBack said on December 20, 2005 4:17 PM:
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