Announcing: Snack Cakes for Links

Despite this blog being one of the best on the Internet, hardly anyone reads it.  The problem?  Well, obviously it's not the writing -- the writing is fantastic.  The problem seems to be that none of you bastards is linking to me. 

With this in mind, I am excited to announce the Snack Cakes for Hyperlinks Internet Exchange Program.

How does the program work?  Simply, that’s how.  First, you, the reader, find your favorite post here on the blog and place a link to it on your website.  Then, e-mail your street address (and your URL) to me, and I will mail you an autographed snack cake!

I am not kidding.  My signature is handsome, and the snack cake will be fresh.  (Well, as fresh as possible.)  Don't believe me?  Give me a link, give me your address, and just see what happens!

For those of you still having questions, I'll try to answer them here, FAQ-style.

Q: What kind of snack cake will I receive?
Great, great question — I like where your head is at.  Unfortunately, I haven't made a final decision on the cakes.  I'm thinking that I should award different cakes based of the effusiveness of the praise heaped upon my blog.  Also, I'm prone to pick cakes in opaque white wrappers, so that my handsome signature will be easy for any and all to see.  And maybe I'll consider which cakes mail well, what kind of boxes I should use, etc. 

So my answer to this sure-to-be-frequently-asked question is: I don't know.  But I promise, I will send you a snack cake, and it will be autographed.

Q: Will the snack cake be edible?
It will be edible when I send it.  If you eat it and you die, I apologize in advance.

Q: Will you really send a cake for every link?
Yes.  Well, okay, within reason.  Technorati tracks something like 14 million blogs nowadays, so I suppose if every blogger in the world gave me a link I wouldn't be able to send every single person a cake.  But I will try. 

Q: Is this ethical?
I prefer to answer ethical questions with questions.  Smart people (like Jesus and Plato) do this all the time, so I figure it must have merit.  Plus it alleviates me from having to actually answer anything.  I can just ask a bunch of questions and you'll either figure it out for yourself or, better, you'll get so confused that you lose interest in your original question.  So:

Is it ethical when a blogger writes a sensational post just to attract attention?  Is it ethical when bloggers drop names, like Scoble, Pirillo, Kottke, Robert Scoble, Chris Pirillo, or Jason Kottke, just to try and ego-stroke a link from an A-lister?  Is it ethical when bloggers start blogs or write posts solely to generate high-paying contextual advertisements, like those about class-action asbestos lawsuits?  Is it ethical that PR agencies and marketing weasels are corrupting the "personal honesty" of blogs with spin and advertising?  Is it ethical when bloggers lie?  On beds made of penguins?  Is it ethical when bloggers eat penguins?

Q: Will you give me a link back?
If I like your website, maybe.  If not, you better come up with your own exchange program.

Q: Will adding you to my blogroll get me a snack cake?
Generally speaking, no, but I will consider exceptions.  For instance, if your blogroll sends 25,000 visitors my way, I will send you an entire box of Nutty Bars.

Q: Are Nutty Bars snack cakes?
This is topic of debate among snack cake connoisseurs, and I don't want to start a flame war.  I'll just say that while I agree they aren't "cakey," I think it's clumsy to say things like "snack cakes and/or donuts and/or large wafer cookies."  So for the purpose of this exchange program we are considering Nutty Bars as snack cakes.  (That's right, people, Nutty Bars are in play.)

Q: What about Oatmeal Creme Pies?  According to their name, they are pies.
The name says Pie, but clearly these things are more like cakes, or at least, giant cakey cookies.  But look: A snack cake is going to be whatever I want it to be.  Now quit being such a legalistic *** -- you're taking all the fun out of this.

Okay, those are all the questions I can think of.  Get those links out there, e-mail me at jason@thelooneys.com, and let’s start spreading the love!