From Red To Orange To Itchy

Published 20 June 05 10:45 PM | Jason Looney 

CNN just ran a story about the “softer side” of Saddam.  Former guards of the mass murderer tell us that Saddam likes writing poetry, working on his garden, and smoking cigars. 

According to CNN, the former dictator has also taken a liking to American junk food.  The guards started by introducing Saddam to Cheetos, which he loved.  When those ran out, they moved him to Doritos, which he loved even more. 

Dear Military: This is why we invented Olestra.  Please stop giving this man name-brand snacks that have not been shown to cause cramping and/or leakage.  Also, I would be more than willing to contribute all of the exploding cigars, poison ivy, and mockery of his “poetry” at my disposal.

(Side Note: I think I just insulted a former dictator in a public forum...  Here’s hoping he’s wrong about that “becoming ‘President’ again” prediction of his.)

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