Passing Bucks and Gas

My wife and I celebrated our eighth anniversary last night.  Each year around this time we like to reflect on our accomplishments, our relationship, and all the various manners of passive aggression we're using to destroy each other's hopes of happiness. 

This year we also used the event to discuss our finances.  We've come to realize that we'll never own anything bigger than a breadbox unless we set some goals, organize our priorities, and (maybe) open a savings account.

We have all kinds of dreams, some of them quite big, and prioritizing them is tough.  For instance, a cabin in the mountains would be nice.  Also, some sort of retirement savings account would be keen.  And sending our kids to a boarding school at age four: priceless.  But you can't have everything.  Here, then, is a list of our major financial goals for the next 40 years:

1) Eating like royalty.  This means eating out whenever feasible, consuming heavily-packaged meals when it's not, having milk delivered, purchasing $5.00 cups of coffee every weekday, and buying individually-wrapped and organic Not-Really-Oreos for dessert.

2) Absolute and constant comfort with regard to temperature.  We are dedicated to running either the heat or air conditioning at all times, both in our cars and at home.  Opening windows and/or doors is a gamble to be avoided.  The fact that the thermostat in our home must be manually switched from "Heat" to "Cool" is considered to be a value judgment by the thermostat manufacturer, and we are actively pursuing our legal options.

3) Gasoline.  We’ve decided that at least 28% or our net income (or 36% of our gross) should go towards gasoline.  If this means moving farther away from my place of employment, then that's what it means.

4) A lawn that is always green, always weed-free, and never safe for children or pets.  This one was tough to place.  I wanted to make it #1, but Sarah wasn't that interested.  Clearly, our ability to compromise is a sign of the incredible strength of our union.  (Also, I'm the one who balances the checkbook, so I'm pretty sure our grass will always be green. <WINK!>)

5) Paying off the student loans of every doctor we meet.  If we can also help them purchase a Range Rover without sacrificing any priorities higher than this one, then we're committed to that, too.

6) Owning every movie we've ever seen on DVD.  If the mood strikes us to re-watch a film, the last thing we need is to be bothered with the block-and-a-half trip to the rental place.

7) New cars.  Only suckers lease or drive cars not made within the last six months.

8) Handbags.  Again, we didn't agree on the prioritization of this one, but I refuse to be seen with a woman not carrying Prada or better.

9) Gadgets of the early-adopted variety.  Our home should be fully stocked with soon-to-be obsolete and/or soon-to-be commodified devices, at all times.  This includes cell phones with more features and minutes than we will ever use; one for each member of the family.

10) Pointless blog posts.  Okay, this is more related to time management than money management, but if we ever face the choice of working on some sort of side project to make extra money or writing a pointless blog post, we are committed to the pointless blog post.