Hyperlinks386

Things are pretty busy, with the mum in town and all, so, for your enjoyment, here’s a run-on sentence and an IM conversation I had with a friend (whose name, incidentally, is Friend) about a year and a half ago:

----------------------

Friend:  you ever play links386?
Friend:  the dos golf game

J-Chaz:  oh yeah
J-Chaz:  i will stomp your sorry butt
J-Chaz:  i shot a 17 on that game once

Friend:  i loved that game too, very fun. i rock at harbor town
Friend:  and bighorn

J-Chaz:  i would kick your sorry butt
J-Chaz:  did i tell you about my 17?

Friend:  you're gonna die clown!!

J-Chaz:  17 at bighorn

Friend:  on one hole maybe

J-Chaz:  i have the screenshot

Friend:  there are 18 holes.  you got extra credit?

J-Chaz:  on 15 (a par 3) you could use a driver and, if you hit right where the flag meets the cup, it would make a sound like a 40-ton boulder hitting concrete.  then, the ground would rumble as all the energy was working itself out, and the flag, cup, and ball would all shoot into the air.  about every 4 or 5 times, the flag, cup, and ball would carry to the 16th green, where the ball would spill out and, sometimes, go in the cup.
J-Chaz:  so the game would give you the mythical "zero" on 16
J-Chaz:  can't believe you didn't know about this

Friend:  wow!

J-Chaz: then you just have to make aces on the rest of the holes

Friend:  i can't believe it either

J-Chaz:  i know. it's hard to believe.

Friend:  you apparently played a lot

J-Chaz:  some of the par 5's are difficult to ace.  you have to hit the cart path juuuust right

Friend:  i don't buy any of this by the way

J-Chaz:  like i say, i have the screenshot. i'm not the only one, by far, though.  i'm sure tons of people have their screenshots on the web.

Friend:  as soon as i see it, i may believe it

J-Chaz:  the coolest part is when the flag and whatnot go flying through the air, there's this big booming voice that says "Nuuuuccleeeearrr!!!" and what sounds like the screams of women and children in the background
J-Chaz:  one of the women says, "Robbie, look away! Don't look! Robbie!! No!!!"
J-Chaz:  and then the camera cuts back to your golfer guy who is standing on the neck of your opponent, growling, foaming at the mouth, worshiping the very dominion of satan

[no response]

J-Chaz:  wait
J-Chaz:  did you say links?
J-Chaz:  sorry, wrong game. i was only so-so at links.