With two weeks left in the NFL season, a Broncos fan turns on his TV and runs into a repugnant dilemma: Rams vs. 49ers on Fox and Chargers vs. Chiefs on CBS.  On one hand, two AFC West teams he loves to hate, and on the other hand, a game that means absolutely nothing to anybody EVER.  The real quandary here lies in the fact that I (the Broncos fan about whom I write) hate the Chiefs with all the passion of a Denver fan and yet find myself having to root for them, because San Diego is closer to us in the playoff race.  And so my afternoon of ambivalence begins.

My first problem is rooting for Dante Hall, the veritable David Spade of the NFL.  By that I mean half the stature and twice the ego.  I have the image of him a couple weeks ago catching a touchdown pass against Denver, nary a defensive back within twenty yards of him, and then flashing his "X" symbol in the end zone as if he'd done something that required talent.  I simply can't cheer for this man.

Secondly, within the first few minutes of the game, Drew Brees throws a pass into quadruple coverage for a completion.  Can't say I'm used to rooting for this type of defense. 

Larry Johnson then scores a touchdown by running through three or four Chargers who, I'm convinced, can't have even wanted to tackle him.  He then weilds some hand symbol that I guess must represent "LJ," and the crowd starts to chant, "Lar-ee, Lar-ee, Lar-ee!"  A couple things: 1) Larry Johnson is not a running back for the Chiefs.  He was a forward for the New York Knicks, and yes, much scarier and harder to tackle than Kansas City Larry.  2) One does not chant the name "Larry" unless present at the Boston Garden circa 1986. 

On a related note, how does a professional football player, paid a b'zillion dollars a year,  forget how to tackle?  It's a basic skill, for Pete's sake.  Could a black belt forget how to punch?  And if you heckled him for it, wouldn't he have to just tackle you or something?

At some point during the game, my wife asks me, "How many pints in a quart?"  I say, "I have no idea."  She responds with a curt, "Thanks," and after deciding next time I'd just make something up, I see the Chiefs make a first down.  "Nice play," I say.  "I hate you," I say. 

Incidentally, if you're a sportscaster who's too lazy or half-educated to even say the name "Tomlinson," please quit your job.  "L.T." wore number 56 for the New York Giants.  That's it. 

Long story short, by the end of the game I rooted vociferously for the Chargers, playoffs notwithstanding.  Ad hoc, no doubt, but the only option for a true lover of the Orange & Blue.