God put this here for me and you. Take advantage man, take advantage.

Since I can't get any real people to send me email, I like to get on some nice mailing lists so I can be popular too.  It makes me feel loved to check my messages and see that Columbia House misses me and wants me back.  (Talk about an "in your face!" to the girls that dumped me in high school!)  Not only that, but according to Scott's Fertilizer and Smith & Wesson, spring is the best time to apply crabgrass killer to my lawn AND the best time to purchase a semi-automatic weapon.  Ah spring!  The smell of chemicals and cordite is in the air! 

I think I may skip the crabgrass killer, buy the gun, and just hope for a mid-summer shootout with the crabgrass.

I recently signed up for the Park's Seed company email newsletter, and to be honest, I had less than high hopes.  But then in my inbox, I found the very first email:



Well what do you know, free illicit drugs!  Maybe not right up my alley, but perhaps the free Oxycontin email would come tomorrow.  But no, the next day I found this in my inbox:



Turns out they are just going to give me some kind of crappy foam container.  Talk about your false advertising.

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